I am a total recovering control freak. I am also a recovering perfectionist. I like things to be just so, and to be done well. This part of me has been getting in the way of my kids. Sometimes they have these really BIG ideas, and I think I have to break them down into manageable steps so that they will accomplish the desired end result. This seems like a good idea...in theory. It has, however, discouraged them from doing some of these big ideas. I get in their way, make their ideas seem too big, too complicated, that they won't be able to do it. So they stop before they get started. I am really trying to stretch this part of me. I really want to get out of their way so they can DO these things...I have to keep telling myself that whether or not they end up achieving the desired end result is not necessarily the goal.
About a year ago, the kids wanted to make a movie of "The Spiderwick Chronicles". They had read the series and loved it. They just started filming, and I kept on them, telling them they needed a script or screenplay, that it wouldn't work out to just start shooting. The screenplay was too much for them, and the project got shelved, waiting for Dad to help them write the script. Low and behold, the big time movie version is coming out, and they were all disappointed that their version hadn't even been started.
Moving forward to a couple of weeks ago, they decided they wanted to make a spy spoof movie. This time, I said, go for it. No script, no screenplay. I just let them do what they wanted, I got out of their way. They had a blast. They made costumes, learned lines, filmed scenes, added music, edited their work, etc. Wow. I just had to get out of their way and not want them to do it perfectly. I had to let go of the idea that this needed to turn out a certain way, to end up with a certain result. Hopefully, I'm stretching and growing enough to continue getting out of their way, and to focus on the joy of their doing and exploring, not their end product.
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3 comments:
You go, girl! Isn't through our own trials and errors that we learn the most valuable lessons as parents? Over the past 18 years of parenting (and loving it!), I have learned how to step out of my old perfectionist shoes and run barefooted with my children. It is the joy of creating that is so powerful for their growth and well-being, not the end-product that us adults love to pursue! Having been an under-achieving over-achiever most of my adult life, I have finally learned how to kick back and learn from my own students just as much (and sometimes more) than they learn from me! Life is too short not to savor each moment of our children's development... since there is no "rewind" button! Your photographs are charming and your New Year's champagne cocktails are what we call a "kir royale" in French. If it's made with white wine, it's called simply a "kir". My favorite is dry champagne with a little Creme de Cassis. Ummm!
Good for you! That was why I was glad that Nicolas filmed my two when they wanted to make "Survivor Man" videos. I knew I'd direct them : /
You are on my list of excellent blog award recipients! See my blog to get the award.
Thanks for your thoughts, Sara! It is so hard for me to not try to coax the perfect end result out of whatever activity the kids are doing. Focus on the joy of creating...thanks for those words!
Madeline- thanks for the excellent award. You are too kind! Written words have never been my thing, and I still struggle with trying to get down what it is I'm thinking.
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